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| Thursday, December 25th, 2008 | | 8:11 am |
| | Thursday, November 27th, 2008 | | 8:24 am |
Happy Thanksgiving
I wish you all the very best today. Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone. | | Sunday, November 23rd, 2008 | | 2:04 am |
A quick Hello
A very quick hello, and then I must go sleep. It was great seeing so many people this evening I haven't seen in a long while. Or spoken to, for that matter.. Could time have passed so quickly? | | Wednesday, March 10th, 2004 | | 9:21 pm |
I really miss getting out to see my friends. I've gotten too caught up with work. But I feel I really need to change that. I'm going down to SLO this weekend for the first time in ages. But, it makes me sad too, cause I've hardly kept up with the friends I had down there. I just hope I don't make that mistake with my friends in Davis. I miss you guys too. And I'll definitely try to get up there soon. Hmm... I wonder.. I know I have the 26th and 27th off... Worth a try? Well, I applied for another supervisor position yesterday, which would be pretty cool to get. Almost doubles my pay, which means I could easily cut my hours back and get back into school with little or no financial difficulty. I hope this works, I miss going to class... Although I never had much love for homework. Ah well, it'll be worth it. :) | | Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 | | 11:15 pm |
| | Saturday, February 28th, 2004 | | 1:11 am |
| | Saturday, February 21st, 2004 | | 12:54 am |
Time does fly...
Well, with the help and persuasion of a particular friend I'm going to post again. I know it's been a long time, but I figure I should let people out there know I'm still alive. I do check in often to see how everyone is doing, but alas, I have not been writing much at all. So, here goes. Where am I? Nearly a year and a half ago I started working for Costco in Rohnert Park. I don't know if I ever mentioned that in this journal. The jobs been fairly good to me, but it's just a job. As for school, I've taken the occasional class, but I'm still finding it difficult to bring up the ambition to get back into it seriously. Especially with the anxiety attacks I suffered from the last couple of no stress classes I took, just to get my feet wet. I'm living in Rohnert Park now, with a friend from work and his girl friend, which is interesting. Only been here for a couple of weeks now, but it's going well, and the commute is a hell of a lot better than driving over from Sonoma every day was. Just a quick synopsis I know, but hey... Perhaps with a reply or two I might feel inclined to post again. :) | | Sunday, May 11th, 2003 | | 12:17 am |
Not so many journal entries ago I wrote to tell of my 21st birthday. It passed, unremarkable. Recently I had my 22nd. Similarly, it was also unremarkable. This is not to say that I care a whit for celebrating my birthday, as I have not for quite a few years now. But rather the fact that I constantly try to feel what is worth celebrating in my life. And what I come up with, time after time is my life itself. No part of it, not my birth, not my cure, not my happiest moments, simply my life. And the mere fact that I can still write to tell of it. What kind of burden does it take to crush a person? I would like to talk of stress, of unhappiness, of loneliness, of depression, and of weariness. But what does mine have to compare with that of so many other people? Out of billions of people on this planet, who am I? I like to think of who I might have been. Who I might yet be. But who am I? Right here, right now? I have my life, but for what do I live it? Simply day to day? Seeing what comes next and not lifting a finger to change it. I wrote once that I had made my peace with death. I was once ready to die and having been ready I gave up what dreams and ambitions I might once have had. I think that it is now high time I made my peace with life. That I find those dreams and ambitions. Pick them up, dust them off and start living again. I know some of my options, but not yet what to choose, nor where to go from here. I know only that it is time to live once again. I am not going to die tomorrow. Nor the next day, nor the next. It is time. | | Wednesday, December 25th, 2002 | | 12:50 pm |
| | Wednesday, September 11th, 2002 | | 6:33 pm |
Wow this thing got dusty!
Yeah, so ... It's been a while. :) Lot's has happened, but I don't really remember it all. But, as always some good things, some bad things. And countless things in between. Still taking Latin, and still really enjoying it. I know I'm crazy, you don't have to remind me. Unless you want to of course, and then, by all means! Oh, and of course. I finally got a job. Yeah... So it took me a while. I'm working at the new Costco warehouse in RP and actually enjoying it. Getting up at 4:30am every morning is great! No, really! Yeah, and of course working till 4 or 5 in the afternoon is good too. :) Hey, overtime anyone? Yeah, so all in all I'm suddenly busy as hell, but rather enjoying things. | | Tuesday, June 25th, 2002 | | 11:13 pm |
Fingers strike keys, and words appear. What comes out is anyones guess, but every entry needs a subject. Life, as always leads up and down. I've been up for a long time now, and I'm grateful for that. For the good times, and the good people. Why then, does the track always lead back down? I certaintly don't know, but it heads there every now and again. For instance, why do I now feel like it's heading down, when everything in my life is looking up? I'm having way to much fun at my Latin Class, I'm currently seeking employment and hope to find something soon, and while I remain without a girlfriend, what friends I do have I hold dear, and know that in return, I am held dear. What can be done when presented with an emotion without a cause? Deal with it? Study it? Try and find something that may have caused it? This latter can be quite dangerous, because it is entirely possible to make something out of nothing and label it the cause. I suppose in the end, it is because everything IS looking up that I glance back down. To see how far I can fall I suppose. Courage is what I need, and drive to push forward. Screw the fall. Full steam ahead! :) | | Friday, June 21st, 2002 | | 5:07 pm |
| | Sunday, June 2nd, 2002 | | 1:14 am |
I know it's been quite a while since I last updated, and much has happened since. But, I've been kinda too lazy to post as to what's been up in my life, seeing as most of the high points of my existance have been listed in the journals of my friends. Suffice it to say that, All in All, Things are good right now. | | Thursday, May 9th, 2002 | | 6:18 pm |
| | Tuesday, April 30th, 2002 | | 8:43 pm |
Me? 21?
Yeah, so my 21st BD is this Thursday, May 2nd. Perfect timing I think... I get to be really hung over when I go to see Spider-Man! :) I've never been a big celebrator of birthdays, but this one co-incides with my 5 year mark from Remission which means I'm officially cured. Which is cool. So I get to celebrate both at once... Only question now is simply, what to do? Suggestions welcome! :) | | Monday, April 29th, 2002 | | 11:50 pm |
| | Sunday, April 28th, 2002 | | 5:06 pm |
I'm back!
Well, I got back from Davis just a couple hours ago. I'm exhausted, physically and mentally, but I had a kick-ass time. Working on the Dance Show was a blast, and I definitely look forward to doing it again. I'll post more later, cause I feel like I want to just pass out right now. In a good way. :) | | Saturday, April 13th, 2002 | | 12:32 am |
Successes, Hopes, and Possibilities
Well, the evening went incredibly well I thought. My feet hurt like hell, but that's because I'm not used to standing in dress shoes for six hours straight. Other than that, everything was good. The speech went off quite well, and I'm going to steal some of my comment to Casey to elaborate: Well, thank you very much Casey. Evidently, you weren't the only person who thought my speech was pretty good. I did not read word for word, in the end, but simply used what I had written to guide myself along, which was for the better. I think I did pretty well mainly because people applauded when I wanted applause, they laughed when I was witty, and when people came up to me afterwards, many told me they had cried. So... I think I accomplished everything I set out to do. As a note of clarification, those who came up to me afterwards all said they really liked it and said I should be proud. So, as I am rarely ever truly proud of myself, I'm allowing myself to be tonight! :) The rest of the night saw me serving, talking, and cleaning, but I had a great time all the same. The chocolate was incredible. And, being a volunteer I had all that I could ever want. Man 'O Man, you can only eat so much gourmet chocolate! Good times though. My hopes for the night are that the money raised will be sufficient to support our group for some time to come. We can always use more income and this night promises to provide. I don't know how much yet, but I should get the final total soon, especially seeing as I am the Treasurer. Another bonus was simply exposure. Many people there had never heard of the group before tonight, and we impressed enough that I think many will spread the word of our existance. Possibilities abound. The biggest, and only one I really plan to comment on at the moment was that a woman came up to Lila and I after the speeches and asked us if we'd ever heard of the band Dire Straights. Lila wasn't terribly familiar with them, but I personally love them and told her so. Score one for me! :) She was the wife of one of the band members. He, unfortunately, had passed away, but she knew Mark Knofpler and Eric Clapton personally and was good friends with both. As it turns out, Mark just happened to have devoted this entire coming summer to benefit teens with Cancer in London. In doing so, he will be playing many benefit sessions at the Royal Opera House in London, and she, the woman at the benefit tonight, told us that she would contact him tomorrow and ask if he would bring some of us from the group to speak during one of his concerts. That means, Myself, Lila, and a couple/few others would be flown to London, and would get the chance to deliver a speech in front of thousands at the Royal Opera House in London. Hehe, this could be quite a fun time. :) Current Mood:  excited | | Friday, April 12th, 2002 | | 4:20 pm |
Tonights Fundraiser
For those of you who don't already know, tonight is the night of a fundraiser for the Sonoma Childrens Cancer Foundation (SCCF), provided by the Mothers Club of Sonoma. It is to be a Champaign and Chocolate Tasting event, followed by a silent auction and raffle. Should be pretty fun, but I get to serve everyone. :) It could have been really fun, but unfortunately I don't turn 21 for three more weeks. I also get to deliver a speech at the event, and below I have enclosed what is essentially the speech I'll be delivering. I had hoped to post this last night so that anyone could comment on it, but as always I love to procrastinate. So, here's what I have written up. I think it takes about 8 - 10 minutes. My name is Paul Crowe. I was born in Sonoma and have lived here nearly all my life. A kid as any other, my life was forever altered in June of ?96. The end of my freshman year in High School was a period I will not likely forget as being a period of chance and of opportunity. Nor will I forget that that was the time I discovered I had Cancer. The first Monday of my Summer Vacation was possibly the longest day of my life. Though, in retrospect, Mondays have always seemed longer than any other day of the week. My brother and I were throwing rocks in the creek behind my house, when I was suddenly knocked down by an unexpected and incredible pain in my knee. I found myself unable to stand again without terrible pain shooting up through my leg. It was left to my brother, then only 9 years old to run up to the house and get help. Thanks to him, I soon found myself at the hospital where I discovered that not only had I torn my meniscus nearly in half, but that a dark and mysterious spot on my right femur showed up on my X-ray that was some cause for alarm. My summer had only just begun. The remainder of that summer brought me an exploratory biopsy and many other tests before it was confirmed that I had what is known as Osteogenic Sarcoma. A bone cancer in my right leg just above the knee. The treatment of this cancer entailed the complete replacement of my right knee and the majority of my right femur as well, all of this being replaced with, what was then, state of the art Titanium prosthetics. In addition to this major surgery I underwent an experimental chemotherapy regime prescribed by my doctors in UCSF that essentially delivered three times the maximum dosage they would even consider giving an adult. I underwent this treatment for a period of nine months, during which I was in and out of the hospital for treatments and side effects nearly forty times. This treatment constituted what should have been my Sophomore year in High School. In May of ?97, nearly a year after I had first discovered I had Cancer, I had my final round of Chemo. Once treatment was completed I then attempted to bring the pieces of my life back together. I started school again that summer, and tried to pick up where I had left off the summer before. However, I discovered that my life would never be the same for a number of reasons. I was no longer able to run or jump, discounting nearly all the sports I had been interested in. Although I can still Golf fairly well. I had come to the brink of death on several occasions, and although my friends had all been diligent in keeping me company through my treatment, it?s difficult for someone who has not been close to death to understand someone who has. I had wondered where I might possibly find people I could relate to, with whom I could talk, and simply be able to understand and to be understood. As it turned out, those people found me. Shortly after I finished treatment, I got a call from Steve Webster, who along with Michelle, had decided to start a support group for children who had experienced cancer. When asked if I would like to participate, I was delighted by the opportunity and said so. The Sonoma Children?s Cancer Foundation?s support group was born five years ago, and I am glad to say that I have been a member since the beginning. It was in the group that I found others like myself that I could relate my experiences to. Through the meetings and the activities that have been the basis of the group since the beginning, I came to grips with what had occurred to me. With their help and support I was able to graduate High School with my class, even achieving high honors, after catching up the Sophomore year I had missed during my Junior and Senior years. The group has helped me in many ways, but the group goes far beyond that. SCCF is a life savor for the families of Cancer patients as well as for the patients as well. I often find that during many meetings, it seems to be the parents of the children that glean the most support from other parents in similar positions to their own. Cancer is not an isolated illness, despite the fact that it is not contagious. The disease effects everyone who knows a patient in different ways. In fact, the families of patients often have far more difficulty in dealing with the disease than the patients themselves. And because of this the basic household functions begin to break down. Parents miss work, siblings fall behind in school, tensions mount, and even tasks such as cooking dinner become mountainous. Again, this is where the group steps in, helping with financing, driving, dinners and even simple entertainment to help ease the tension. It is amazing how the smallest things can help so much, and this is where the group really excels. Simply knowing what to provide and when. I have been cancer free for five years now. I owe much to SCCF for the support and aid they have given to me over the years. Now is the time that I have decided to try as best I can to give back to the group, to the community, and to the families that are now experiencing a situation similar to my own. The group can always use help, because this disease is one that never tires. It is unpredictable and can strike anywhere, devastating families that had no idea anything was wrong. Which is, of course, why we?re all here tonight. Thank you all for coming, and for your generosity. Together we can all make a difference in easing the pain and the suffering of those families and children who have been stricken by this terrible disease. Thank you. So... Wish me luck. I'll write again when I get back. | | Tuesday, April 9th, 2002 | | 9:54 pm |
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